


Anythign Is Possible In Space (Except For One Thing)

by stellarstella



Series: Bad Decisions, Late At Night [6]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: !!, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, M/M, fuck jyn fuckin bland ass bitch, shes so fucking annoying cassian is the king of my heart and im a lesbian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-14 22:48:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9208559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stellarstella/pseuds/stellarstella
Summary: Cassian escapes cos he's rad. Jyn can go to hell. I love rum and coke.





	

Cassian jumped off the fucking thing. WHATEVER. 

"Hey Jyn!" he yelled isn his sexy!!!! mexican accent thats on twitter and CNN. "The death star plans transmitted! WE gotta blast!"

Jyn was too busy being a fucking primp ass bitch to hear him. She had found a mirror and was masturbatbibg. to her own reflection. How annoying.

 _How annoying!!!!_ Cassian thought. Then he thought  _maybe I should fuck outta here. Jyn is an annoying ass bitch idk why im even friends with her. Fuckin killed my K2 not-the-mountain droid for this annoying ass ho._

Jyn picked that moment to pay attention to somethign other than herself for the first time in the whole movie "What's an ass ho?"

Cassian had enoguh with this fucking bullshit. He found a zipline that led to the main Rebel ship with Admiral Akbar, the squid general. He grabbed on to the green and yellow Walmart $12.99 space zipline and looked back over his shoulder at Jyn. She'd found a shard of metal that was reflecting her reflection from a broken imperial pew pew ship. She was caressing the broken edge like an extra ass cunt who wants to pretend liek she's deep but is actually jsut fucking stupid. "I will find you DAd. I am your stardust."

"WHAT THE FUCK!??!??!" Cassian exclaimed. "TU PADRE ESTA FUCKING MUERTO, PUTA BLANDA!!!!!" That's space spanish for your dad is fuking dead bland bitch. Cassian said it in his rugged sexy space spanish way. "Fuck this shit I'm out!" He sang. like the space youtube viral sensation. He fucking latched onto that zipline like a barnacle on the hull of the sunken titanic and zipped out of there.

_ZOOOOOOOOM._

After 45 hours later Jyn looked up from her own reflection to see the world. "GODDAMN MOTHERFUKER" she screamed, because there was a cloud of atomic bomb shit on the horizon. She staggered to teh edge of the water for some reason (it's because she wanted to see her own reflection one last time before she died) and hugged herself tight because Cassian wasnt there. Not liek she wanted him there or anythign she just wanted someone to hug her so she felt important and sexy (tense agreement?).

Jyn died in a zoom of death star fire. Everyoen fucking cheered becaues Jyn is a bland ass white btich. In the sky Cassian celebrated his majestic historic space zip line journey by kissing every male on board the ship and pouring champagne over their heads in an arc of sparkling gay love. Eventually he became a rebel pilot.

~~~~however fuckmany days later. i dont fuckign know george lucas. bitch~~~~~

When Luke Skywalker defeated the death star whatever and got FUCKIN SWERVED by han solo (((who only wanted to stick his dick in luke's sister). Luke was like aw man.

"Aw man." he said in the space bar (((cos luke is a fucking twink ass baby who doesnt even know how to swear).

Cassina happened to be sititng next to him. "Hey guess what Luke 'i'm not gay but i wear a twink poncho' Skywalker?" 

"Yes, sexy space spanish man?" Luke  had had a few drinks at this point. 

"I got those plans for you to destroy the death star for you. I was The Zipliner."

"YOU are the famous ziplining rebel?"

"Yes. Si." (space spanish).

 _Holy fuk that's sexy_ Luke thought. And he was kinda drunk on space beer so he just fucking threw the glass against the wall and made out with Cassian.

Cassian moaned and flipped him u pon the bar. Everyone left because they saw how important this gay love was. Dick int he ass whatever Cassian and Luke fucked BIG TIME. Then they dated and had space babies. Didn't name them after Jyn cos she's fuckign annoying and Cassian hated dragging her boring self obsessed ass along. So the space baby was named Kyle and the other one Kylie. They were gay space twins.

Because anythign is possible in space :) (((excpet for jyn beign an interesting character)

 


End file.
